MADRID, SPAIN: I don't speak Spanish, but I'm fluent in napping. (7/9/10)

For my birthday this year, Mama McG sent me to Spain to bug my friend Felicia, for a change. Felish has been living in Spain for about a million years and is (finally) moving home to NY in a few weeks. A perfect time to visit, because she's getting all nostalgic for things she won't have for much longer- namely, food opportunities.

I landed in Madrid at 8:25 am. I checked into my hotel (Plaza Basilica) shortly thereafter, and thought "Hey, why don't I take a two or three hour nap, get up for lunch, do some work (all vacations are working vacations) and then maybe see some sites?"

Bobo salchicha.

My two or three hour nap was seven hours long and I woke up at 4pm to Felicia calling me to say "Hey... I'm downstairs... and I'm hungry..."

So after exchanging a brief hello and how are you to her and her lovely doggy Ysa, we headed off on a brief walk through Madrid. We saw the Plaza Real...

Cibeles was excited for World Cup...

Our walk made us work up an appetite for dinner. Mercado San Miguel is an awesome food market where you can purchase high quality food and drink, and eat it at booths there! Also everyone is super friendly. Felicia bff-d a French oysterman.

We started with oysters and champagne before moving onto a delicious cheese. Here's something Felicia will miss about Spain- she went up to the lady and said, "we have champagne. Pick a cheese for us to pair." And the cheese the cheese lady picked was amazing- a distinctly European talent.

Then we moved on to langostinos

And polpo (octopus) fried with huevos and roasted red peppers. Amazing. You dip the polpo into the huevos and the red peppers is a perfect match for the salty fried cephalopod.

After dinner we headed to after dinner drinks, and ended the night a gorgeous rooftop bar,

Where we saw this.

In Spain, playgrounds are built next to bars so that parents can drink in peace and send the children to play.

I don't think there's anything left to say about that.

Stay tuned for tomorrow: Llanes.

NEW ENGLAND: It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like (FINAL SUBMISSION)... (12/28/09)

All season, we've been recounting the things that make the holidays as special as they are. Now that the ordeal is almost over (we still have New Year's...), It's time for my final submission of the most egregious displays of holiday spirit. So far we have reviewed the Radio City Christmas Tree and Spectacular, the Rockefellar Center Christmas Tree, the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, and the Affinia Hotel in Herald Square. Before we pack away all the ornaments into specially wrapped Pandora's boxes and smother our hurt feelings and excessive, though not surprising, weight gain under a frenetic New Year's resolution, I'd like to take this last moment to tell the holiday season to kiss it... right under the mistletoe.

The final submission in this Santa Smackdown involves my favorite things about the holidays: dysfunction, distilleries, and detectives. It has beat out other such favorites as Christmas trees decorated with Hannukah ornaments (I've never seen a menorah under the mistletoe- that's all I have to say about that one), drunken holiday parties where things go "too far", and children (in general). Without further ado, I give you the final submission of the holiday contest:

The Cops Show Up

This was one of my favorite parts about the movie "Christmas Vacation," mainly because it fit in so nicely with the farce of the Tannenbaum Tale. I mean, as long as you don't kidnap a major dude on Christmas, why would the cops show up?

Well, as I recently recounted, the cops came to my family's Christmas celebration even though they were not invited (this is very rude). They marched right up onto the deck and knocked on the glass kitchen door. They said they were sitting on the road and heard gunshots. When the lead cop (we'll call him "Beta", because he's just shy of having the cahones of an Alpha) saw our incredulous expressions he changed his story. "Well, actually, one of the neighbors called." After four champagnes and a bottomless Dark & Stormy, my very limited legal training compelled me to ask Beta to look at my arms, and decide for himself whether I could throw a snowball so hard that it sounded like a gunshot. He and his partner became bashful and left after sitting in our driveway for a further fifteen minutes and tagging everyone's license plates. For the record, there were no gunshots, no arrests, no phone calls from the neighbors, and no love lost between my ever so wasp-y family and the poh poh.

Now do not get the wrong impression, I love the police. I have always had positive experiences both in Connecticut and in New York. In fact, I am oh so happy to see them when I get off the subway at night. In fact, I've been contemplating writing a few "please come back" letters due to the fact that they no longer hang out in my hood (budget cuts), and have thus missed the excitement of drug-related violence in the surrounding area. I really do miss them and I feel safer when they are around.

However, when a couple of officers (not to be mistaken for gentlemen) found themselves with not a lot to do on Christmas night and admitted to making up a story in my future stepfather's doorway, I was discouraged. I grant that there's probably not a lot going on in this particular town in Connecticut, what with the beheading this department has yet to solve (true story). But that's no reason to turn around and get all scrooge-y on a family event.

The police did not even show up with a host-gift, or a bottle of wine. For crying out loud, they weren't even cute enough to drag under the mistletoe. This kind of imposition is just "not done". However, it did provide the galvanizing force to bring my family together. After all, this will live in our memories forever, as the first Christmas we hazed my mother's future husband, by having the police show up.

And there you have it. I encourage you to discuss your own holiday traditions, stories, bookings, and decide which you think should rule the roost of Nefarious Noels. Take a minute and vote!

Image courtesy of http://www.scene-stealers.com

NEW ENGLAND: Christmas Vacation: Things You Might Find on the Blotter (12/25/09)

My family is many things. Boring is not one of these things. We are also very tall and we like to wear matching Christmas pants.

This Christmas 2009 was the first with the new family (my mother became engaged in October). We did all the things traditional families do, including building a snowman and cooling champagne in him, creating a post dinner and cocktails push-up contest, bowling with empties in a tournament of champions, and having a snowball throwing contest (we are not competitive at all).

This last game sounded menacing to the local police department ("We heard gunshots... or snowballs." is a direct quote), and prompted a visit. I flexed my enormous biceps and my future stepfather told them to go away. Needless to say, this must've seemed like hazing to him... but he passed and is now a welcome member of the family.

This was the most exciting Christmas we've had in New England in quite a while. The holiday, while challenging at times, was fun, lively, and a great way for two families to merge.

NEW ENGLAND: Hooch for the Holidays (12/24/09)

As an ambassador for Maker's Mark, I have spent the better part of the year singing the praises of the Kentucky beauty. As a gesture of thanks, the distillery sent on over a sweet little holiday surprise. In addition to solving my problem of forgetting to buy wrapping paper (again), the holiday surprises also helped to spread the good word about Maker's Mark... namely, that it's pretty great.

Included in the festive envelope were three gift bags, tissue paper with images of Maker's on it, and a lovely note of thanks from the folks in Loretto, Kentucky.

So break out the booze, and may the holidays leave you bottoms up!

Cheers!

NEW YORK, NY: The Nutcracker Sweet (12/19/09)

Every year my sister and I go to see The Nutcracker at Lincoln Center. It's a moment right before the holidays when we can spend time together and just celebrate the magic of the season before the utter madness of it. When we see my mother after the show, she always asks "Did the tree grow this time?"

This year's performance was very nice. The Sugar Plum Fairy was, in my humble opinion, the best I'd seen in years. She danced with the exuberance of a teenager and the skill of a vet. She was absolutely lovely. Tea was also wonderful, and very silly.

Lincoln Center is a gorgeous venue. It is about more than the stage, it is about being a cathedral to art, a destination in and of itself. The lil sis agreed. Here are some pics from the evening (I can't show you all of them as I'm not sure about copyright issues, seeing as how we were admonished at both houses for taking pics inside the venue). As you can see, this is something everyone should do in person. Now, go.

The lobby of the New York City Ballet

The lighting art on the balcony of the New York City Ballet

A view of the New York Philharmonic from the balcony at the Ballet House

The chandelier in the lobby of the opera house. A gift from Austria.

NEW YORK, NY: Simply Having a _______ Christmastime (12/16/09)

I asked you several weeks ago how you feel about the holidays. Here were your options:

1) MAGICAL! I LOVE IT ALL!

2) Family time is great- I love seeing Uncle Jack (Daniels)

3) Who cares as long as there are presents?

4) I'm ambivalent and/or in denial.

The majority of you are saps. 66% of you think this time of year is magical. 16% of you are cynical lushes (Uncle Jack, you know who you are). And the rest of you are smart enough to recognize you're in denial- which tells me that you probably spend the holidays on the rocks, but keep all your turmoil locked inside just long enough to exchange what you got for what you actually want.

Really, though, the holidays always end up with one sentiment: gratitude. We may be grateful for having survived four quarters of economic hardship, or a semester at college. We might be grateful for some cool weather, and the opportunity to break out the sweaters we've been eyeing since July. Often, we are grateful for family and friends. Or we are grateful for having survived them. As the angel Clarence writes at the end of "It's a Wonderful Life": Remember, no man is lost who has friends. Wait, that's not it... Oh- here it is:

Every time a martini shaker rings, an angel gets his (or her) wings.

NEW YORK, NY: Something Wonderful: Maker's Mark Munchies (12/12/09)

As a certified ambassador for Maker's Mark, I am privy to the inner workings of the bourbon industry. Part of these workings include how to make delicious snacks with bourbon. Recently, Bill from Maker's Mark sent around a recipe to all of us ambassadors. The recipe was submitted by Kasey at the Toll Gate Cafe.

Caroline and I tried out the recipe for a cookie exchange party this weekend, to resounding success. These cookies are the best I have ever had. Take a look and try it out for yourself!:

Chocolate Mint Julep Cookie

2 sticks butter, softened
2 cups light brown sugar
2 eggs
3 cups all purpose flour (we prefer White Lilly Flour; it's a soft winter wheat - like the soft red wheat used in making Maker's Mark Bourbon)
1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup finely ground oats
2 cups Andes Mint Chocolate Candy pieces
Bourbon Fudge Topping
2 cups melted chocolate chips (milk chocolate or semisweet, whichever you prefer)
1 can sweetened condensed milk
1/4 to 1/2 cup Maker's Mark Bourbon

Preheat conventional oven to 350 degrees or convection oven to 325 degrees. Cream butter, sugar and eggs until smooth. In a separate bowl, mix flour, oats, baking soda, salt and mint chocolate candy pieces. Gradually add to butter mixture until incorporated. Scoop out with a two ounce scoop and place 2 inches apart on baking sheet. Bake for 12 to 15 minutes in conventional oven, 10 minutes in convection oven. Allow to cool and add bourbon fudge topping.

Topping:
Melt chocolate in double boiler, remove from stove. Add sweetened condensed milk and bourbon and mix until incorporated. Top cooled cookies with warm fudge and enjoy.

NEW YORK, NY: Holiday Spirits: My Evening at Wine Down (12/2/09)

The holidays are a time of celebration. Some festivities are somber, others silly. The most appropriate festivities, however, honor the common thread of many traditions: wine.

Last Wednesday night, Caroline and I donned our most festive Wednesday attire (somehow this included a beret) and trekked down to the Wine Down Holiday Party at BLVD on the Lower East Side (miraculously, we did not get lost). Wine Down is an event that allows you unlimited tastings of select wines for a cover charge. The wines were chosen by Gourmet Magazine's wine dude: Michael Green. To our benefit, Michael landed on his feet following the closure of Gourmet (RIP).

With the exception of the champagne that greeted us at the door (what a lovely welcome!), we stuck to the red wines. After all, sticking with one color of wine is a virtual vaccination against the Irish Flu. Before we got down to business, however, we took a "before" picture- as in, before our teeth turned purple from wine. Surprisingly, this was not much of an issue- as the wines were so good. (See the "after" picture at the bottom of this post).

Given that all the wines were affordable, there was a surprisingly delicious selection. My favorites were:

Henriot Champagne Brut Souverain NV, France. Veuve Cliquot Brut is my all time favorite champagne. You can have the Dom Perignon and Santana DVX- when I think of a champagne that I want to drink every day- I reach for the yellow label. I love the consistency of the bubbles that aren't quite as small and sharp as, say, a Taittinger. I also like that the taste is a little fuller with a bit more citrus than a Moet Chandon. However, this Henriot is definitely going on my short list. It's not as mood-changing as the V.C.B., but it's lovely and light. There are delicate notes of citrus and white flower, and it finishes very clean and balanced. This Henriot is a special occasion champagne, and retails for about $95.

2007 CS Cabernet Sauvignon from Napa Valley. This Cab is very smooth, and very drinkable. It's not overly complex, but the layers of flavor are lovely and delicate. Green described this pick as "Aromas of raspberry, redcurrant, tobacco and licorice. Broad and sweet, with pliant, harmonious flavors of plum, raspberry, currant, leather and mocha." I didn't taste the leather, but it definitely had the feeling of a cozy Cab to drink in a room that has many leather bound books. This is a good wine to keep in the house, and retails for about $20.

Caroline liked the 2008 Orin Swift Prisoner from Napa. A blend of Cabernet Sauvignon, Syrah, Petite Sirah, Charbono, Grenache and Zinfandel, this was definitely a more complex wine. The Syrah and the Zinfandel were strongest for me, and were layered upon by hints of fresh sage and wild berry. If you'd like to pick up a bottle for Caro, you will need about $35.

With wines like these, we had a glorious evening! The staff was friendly and gracious, and paired beautifully with the selections by Mr. Green.

For information on Wine Down, please visit: http://www.winedownevents.com

NEW YORK, NY: It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like... (11/24/09)

Second Submission:

The Annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

Every autumn thousands of people line the main avenues of the Upper West Side (Central Park West, Broadway...) to get a glimpse of the Annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. This marching extravaganza is a staple of the American holiday tradition. The holidays truly begin when Santa appears at the parade- or so my mother says, heaving a sigh. Waiting for the big man is not for the feint of heart. It's freezing if you don't have a flask, and most people are unlikely to see anything. The bands don't often play continuously down the route, either (it's very long), so off-camera, the parade is actually quiet.

Though the parade marchers are so freezing cold that they have the stricken expressions of refugees, each one has worked all year for their moment of glory. They have won competitions, auditioned, sweat, bled, and cried. For those that work hard all year long, the chance to be in the parade is a validation, a vindication to those who said whatever it was they did couldn't be done. I love that so many kids get a chance at the network broadcast big time. Hard work and creativity should be rewarded.

Hopefully, the warm weather we've been having holds out for these folks, because the parade truly is a magical experience. Many of us fell in love with it after "Miracle on 34th Street," and we, too, dreamed of adopting a tee-totalling legally insane homeless geriatric who thinks he's Santa Claus and buys us a house. For many, dreams of the parade begin after we see this man kick a drunk out of a sled and take his place. It's here that the magic of Macy's takes hold.

I have many fond memories of watching the parade. Does anyone else remember when it used to be followed by "It's a Wonderful Life"? They don't broadcast that anymore. Jimmy Stewart having suicidal thoughts and subsequently overcoming adversity was a bit too dark for a holiday already fraught with emotional anguish for people subjected to their families. At Thanksgiving dinner when I was young, my Grandmother used to lament that Jimmy Stewart was such a nice boy, she just didn't know why he would go and make a movie like that. Now we have the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, so children can discuss with their parents for the next month about wanting a puppy for Christmas, from Macy's.

Ah, Macy's, you outdo yourself every year. For those unfortunate enough to be subject to Macy's, itself, around the holidays, we will be onslaught with perfume peddlers, makeup artists saying we need "cosmetic help," and millions of tourists inching through the garland festooned department store melee.

One is unable to avoid the Macy's self-promoting spirit even if one avoids Macy's (as many New Yorkers do). In conjunction with submission # 2 I submit:

Third Submission:

The Affinia Hotel at Herald Square

The Affinia Hotel in Herald Square, haven for tourists and parade marchers, has bedecked itself with a Macy's balloon to draw the attention and dollars of balloon lovers everywhere. This is a cheap and obvious attempt to exploit, and to turn what was once a charming little marching tradition into a piggy bank of a parade. The Affinia is not Macy's, why do they have a balloon?

NEW YORK, NY: It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like (11/19/09)

New York is looking for love from the time tested sugar daddy: tourists, who trade on shameless flattery saying how pretty New York is and oh gosh how tall those buildings are and look at those big ol' Christmas trees- you know- they don't have trees like that back home. Little does New York imagine that she's just going to end the holidays fat, eating fruitcake in a corner, having already finished the bon bons, because she had too much eggnog and accidentally let anyone on Broadway who called her pretty.

These are the holidays in New York. I'm of the opinion that they're unnecessarily garish and gauche. Tourists flock here for a piece of Americana, Christmas in the big city- with lots of lights and shows and true holiday spirit and spectacular. As a Manhattanite, this time of year is the antithesis of a Currier and Ives print. The shops put on so much glitz it's as if New York is trying to finally compete with that slutty cousin who gets all the attention (Las Vegas), but this year, we're really going to make a statement. Let's just wear bows and bells and sparkly things all over and pray for love (economic recovery).

In the spirit of the holidays, and my mother's suggestion that they will probably be spent at the bottom of a glass, I've decided to call "game on", and turn the Manhattan holidays into a brutal competition of who can muster up the most holiday spirit.

First submission:

The Radio City Hall Christmas Tree

The Radio City Christmas tree is on display weeks before that other famous tree half a block away (Rock Center). This is because it is fake. It is fiber optic lights in the shape of a tree. If you'll recall, that's the very same type of tree that was called out in "A Charlie Brown Christmas" for being a yuletide poseur. As I was walking across Avenue of the Americas, tourists stopped in the crosswalk to snap photos, and marvel at the fact that the tree changed colors. Fiber optics were first displayed in 1840, folks- it's old news.

And that star on top? Not going to lead you to a nativity in Bethlehem, buddy. Nope, it's going to lead you inside the theater to the annual Radio City Christmas Spectacular. This staple of the New York holiday tradition celebrates, with light up costumes and a kick-line, the moment when Santa came down the chimney of a manger and gave Baby Jesus as a present to the whole world. They're not trying to be exclusive by calling it the "Christmas" and not the "Holiday" or "Winter" Spectacular- they're just being historical. Light up costumes and kick-lines were part of the birth of Christ- it's in the Bible. The show is a fan favorite with families, and children watch in awe with gaping mouths as they look on and dream that they too might one day be a struggling artist doing high kicks, wearing a leotard with realistic fur trim when it's 30 degrees out.

For more information on the Radio City Christmas Spectacular, how you can get tickets and how best to encourage the dreams of impressionable young people, please visit: http://www.radiocitychristmas.com/