On Why Learning to Repair Dog Toys Will Prevent the Robot Uprising

Darcy has a friend named Clifford. By “friend” I mean he’s a stuffed dog with a squeak in the snoot and another in the butt. The squeak in the butt sounds more like a mid-pitched whine

Clifford came home with me because Darcy had disemboweled her old friend, Cow. (It was an accident, she felt terrible, we’re trying to move on.) Maybe it’s the tragic circumstances under which Cow was de-friended, maybe it’s because my dog is shy, but Darcy has taken quite a while to warm up to Clifford. She’ll play, but there has been no respect or cuddling in this relationship.

Then today, I woke up from a nap in the usual way- to Darcy licking my mouth with the same kisser that licks her own butt. I opened my eyes to say “Thank you, that’s enough, creeper,” and found, to my surprise, Clifford was on the bed, too. And what’s more- they were spooning!

I thought to myself, “Oh good! Darcy’s made a friend!... Wait a minute… What brought this about?...” As I looked at my dog, who had turned to licking Clifford, placing Clifford comfortably in the 3-part spoon we formed, resting her head on Clifford, I noticed it. Right there, in the back of his head, white cotton/polyester stuffing peeking out. My mind began racing.

Was my dog a killer? She bit him right in the back of the head, execution style. Did this mean she got inside Clifford’s head, and found his thoughts both agreeable and delicious? Zombies eat brains. They’re so cute cuddling. Darcy and Clifford, not Zombies. Zombies are not cute- robots would totally win in a street fight. Maybe I could sew Clifford back together, even though sewing is dangerous. Would I be willing to risk injury for a dog toy? Nah- I'll just take it to the tailor.

And here’s where my problem with the immigration debate comes in. Home Economics used to be a standard class in high schools around the country. Contrary to revisionists of American History and the role of feminism, the purpose of “Home Ec” was not to subjugate women or breed a generation of fembot housewives. The purpose of Home Economics was to teach people of a certain age how to survive on their own. Hemming a piece of clothing, chopping an onion without crying (wear goggles- thanks, Lisa Turtle), and ironing without burning the house down- are necessary life skills. Without them, we are completely dependent on the labor of others.

I lack the knowledge to survive on my own. Left to my own devices, I would devolve into a state of housekeeping that used staplers to hem skirts (thanks, mom), duct tape to hang curtains, and food that only requires a microwave. My life depends on the cheap labor of immigrants. They are forced by a dearth of paths to citizenship to take jobs that require sewing a dog toy.

Now, what caused my current quandary of being a completely incompetent 20-something- the feminist and budgetary crusades that virtually ended Home Economics, or the influx of immigrants that made the class obsolete? I do not think it’s a coincidence that we saw an influx of border-crossers at a time when we needed them most.

So here is my proposal for our current immigration debate:

1) Bring back Home Economics.

If we learn at a formative age the principles of self-maintenance, we will not turn to illegal labor to complete menial tasks. Driving down wages and relegating work we think we are “above” has not allowed our society or technology to flourish. It has just created unrest in disadvantaged communities, discord in international trade, and an economic collapse- given that a whole generation did not learn how to balance a personal budget in Home Ec, and bought things they could not afford, from neighbors they could not trust (not naming names, G. Sachs). This is to say nothing of the inability to write a thank you note.

2) Give our immigrant labor force an easier path to citizenship.

Being a citizen is hard. Becoming a citizen should not be the most difficult part. Our population is going to diversify no matter what. Thank God. Our society and economy is parched with the need for a renaissance of ideas. It’s best it diversify with a group of people who feel they have a stake in the direction of the country. People with a stake in the country will fight against the robot uprising, when it comes.

3) Make sewing less dangerous.

What purpose do thimbles serve? They cover one part of one finger. What about the danger to the rest of your body and any innocent bystanders? That’s crap.

Support immigration reform. It’s the only way I’ll learn to fix my dog’s toy.

NEW YORK, NY: A Silly Tale About a Silly Tail (7/21/10)

Darcy and I were playing when she decided to lounge on the floor. But, her tail would not stop wagging. Her ears perked up. She looked at her tail curiously. Normally she wagged on purpose. She wagged when it was time to eat. She wagged when it was time to walk. She wagged when it was time to play. She wagged when it was time to cuddle. She wagged when the Human came home. She wagged when the Human looked at her. But none of those things were happening. Why was she wagging?

Wag

She flipped her head to one side. Why was it wagging? She did not want it to wag. She wanted to rest.

Wagwagwag

Really, it was being so silly, acting like it wants to play. But she was tuckered out from playing and did not want to play with her tail. She had better try and catch it so it would stop.

Wagwagwagwagwag

She wiggled left.

Wagwagwagwagwagwagwag

She wiggled right.

WagwagwagwagwagWagWagWagWag

Finally she barked at it, "Why won't you come to me?! I'm your boss!"

She wiggled Left. She wiggled Right. Left. Left. FAR left. Right. Right. LEFTRIGHTLEFTLEFT

WAGWAGWAGWAGWAGWAWGWAG

This tail was out of control! It needed to be stopped so she could take a nap. She jumped up, quickly sat on her tail and bit it.

Hard.

Then she remembered, "Oh, it's me. Okay, I'm gonna go lie down now."

MADRID, SPAIN: I don't speak Spanish, but I'm fluent in napping. (7/9/10)

For my birthday this year, Mama McG sent me to Spain to bug my friend Felicia, for a change. Felish has been living in Spain for about a million years and is (finally) moving home to NY in a few weeks. A perfect time to visit, because she's getting all nostalgic for things she won't have for much longer- namely, food opportunities.

I landed in Madrid at 8:25 am. I checked into my hotel (Plaza Basilica) shortly thereafter, and thought "Hey, why don't I take a two or three hour nap, get up for lunch, do some work (all vacations are working vacations) and then maybe see some sites?"

Bobo salchicha.

My two or three hour nap was seven hours long and I woke up at 4pm to Felicia calling me to say "Hey... I'm downstairs... and I'm hungry..."

So after exchanging a brief hello and how are you to her and her lovely doggy Ysa, we headed off on a brief walk through Madrid. We saw the Plaza Real...

Cibeles was excited for World Cup...

Our walk made us work up an appetite for dinner. Mercado San Miguel is an awesome food market where you can purchase high quality food and drink, and eat it at booths there! Also everyone is super friendly. Felicia bff-d a French oysterman.

We started with oysters and champagne before moving onto a delicious cheese. Here's something Felicia will miss about Spain- she went up to the lady and said, "we have champagne. Pick a cheese for us to pair." And the cheese the cheese lady picked was amazing- a distinctly European talent.

Then we moved on to langostinos

And polpo (octopus) fried with huevos and roasted red peppers. Amazing. You dip the polpo into the huevos and the red peppers is a perfect match for the salty fried cephalopod.

After dinner we headed to after dinner drinks, and ended the night a gorgeous rooftop bar,

Where we saw this.

In Spain, playgrounds are built next to bars so that parents can drink in peace and send the children to play.

I don't think there's anything left to say about that.

Stay tuned for tomorrow: Llanes.

NEW YORK, NY: Poll Results: Name This Drink (2/16/2010)

After a cutthroat battle of the booze, you have named this drink! From a plethora of options (or maybe just 5), you made the decision of what to call the daytime express cold remedy of gin, cointreau, Orangina, and OJ. From your options: Beauty of the Boyne, Seamus a chaca, The Williamite, Orange Bill, and a free choice (Orange Revolution was submitted), a whopping 40% of you have named this wonder of wonders:

Beauty of the Boyne

Congratulations and BOTTOMS UP!

NEW YORK, NY: Dog: Part 2: Picking a Pup (2/9/10)

Today, I continue with Part 2 of the Dog series. I am writing in an effort to absorb what I am reading, and share some Darcy experiences. I did a lot of things wrong, and some things right. I'm not a dog expert, and if you're a dog's human, i recommend reading your books, going to obedience class, etc. Get better at being you. As I continue on my journey of Doggydom with the dog gurus of our age (Cesar Millan, Monks of New Skeete), I continue to learn, and to become a better human for my dog.

Perhaps the most important first step of Doggydom is choosing the right dog. When I was considering getting a dog, I was immediately drawn to the German Shepherd breed for its intelligence, loyalty, protection, and ability to adapt to my particular lifestyle of daily running, walking, and rest. I had no preferences for male or female, though I did consider that a female might be easier for my current dog, Sandy (male), to avoid dominance issues.

I decided to adopt, rather than buy, almost immediately. Sandy was adopted and he is the most perfect (boy) dog on the planet. I was happy to continue this with my new addition. I stumbled upon Darcy on PetFinder.com. I searched for dogs within 100 miles of where I lived, and found one with a cute little face and a description that says "rough and tumble outside, but a perfect lady in the house." Felicia said this sounded like my soul-mate so I inquired, and mere weeks later took her home.

Due to the restrictions of the rescue network (Lab and All Breed Rescue Network) I was not able to meet her prior to taking her home. The handover was a disaster. It's lucky Darcy is such a wonderful dog, or this would not have worked out. I will never adopt sight-unseen again- it was irresponsible and, more importantly, it did not give me enough to work with vis a vis choosing the right dog. I depended too much on luck and description from people I did not know. Everything from her age to her breed was misrepresented (she is not a German Shepherd, but rather, a French Beauceron mix).

What I will do in the future, and what I recommend for prospective dog adopters, is to meet your dog. Do not touch, talk to, or make eye contact with, the animals. Wait until they come to you calmly and are comfortable around you. Assert calm- assertive energy. Do not adopt the first dog that runs up to you- this just means the dog is assertive- not in love with you. Talk to your breeder, or the people at the shelter about the dog you like. Explain your needs, and your situation honestly and openly. Anyone who cares about dogs will not place one in a home where he or she will not be a good fit. Nobody benefits when a dog returns to a shelter. A dog that ends up in, and especially one that returns to, a shelter has a lower likelihood of finding a good home. Take the dog for a spin around the block. This will ascertain a) if the dog is leash trained (Darcy was decidedly not), and b) your chemistry together.

Remember, a dog is part of the family. Treat it as such. Nobody adopts a kid without seeing how it will interact with the family. Do the same for your doggy.

Stay tuned tomorrow for part 3!

NEW YORK, NY: Dog: Part 1 (2/8/10)

I'm currently reading "How to Be Your Dog's Best Friend" by the Monks of New Skeete. The book (second edition) shares a lovely quote I'd like to share with you.

I love inseeing. Can you imagine with me how glorious it is to insee, for example, a dog as one passes by. Insee (I don't mean in-spect, which is only a kind of human gymnastic, by means of which one immediately comes out again on the other side of the dog, regarding it merely, so to speak, as a window upon the humanity lying behind it, not that,) - but to let oneself precisely into the dog's very center, the point from which it becomes a dog, the place in it where God, as it were, would have sat down for a moment when the dog was finished, in order to watch it under the influence of its first embarrassments and inspirations and to know that it was good, that nothing was lacking, that it could not have been better made... Laugh though you may, dear confidant, if I am to tell you where my all-greatest feeling, my world-feeling, my earthly bliss was to be found, I must confess to you: it was to be found time and again, here and there, in such timeless moments of this divine inseeing.

- Rainer Maria Rilke, New Poems,

Translated by J.B. Leishman

For everyone out there training a dog... or being trained by one.

NEW YORK, NY: Don't Leave Home Without It (2/5/10)

Don't leave home without it. Although usually "it" is a flask, I'm talking about my American Express card. American Express is a charge card with an annual fee. This sounds like it could be a bone, but my AmEx is the best thing to have happened in my role as a financially responsible individual. Let me start by illuminating the perks of this little mean green machine.

Customer service. I've called AmEx several times to question charges, enroll in programs, pay my bills, etc- and their customer service is absolutely outstanding.

1) First of all SOMEONE ALWAYS PICKS UP THE PHONE! Beyond providing my card number, I have never spoken to an automatron.

2) Second, they're professional. Nobody kisses my ass, they just treat me like a normal human being.

3) Third, I know AmEx has my back. When I've called to dispute a charge, I've never been treated like I was the wrongdoer. Everything has always been resolved respectfully, professionally, quickly, and cleanly.

Their programs are awesome.

1) First- they have a credit watch center! I'm twenty-four, and I know nothing about credit except that I need to pay my bills on time if I eventually want to buy a house. But how do I monitor my own credit? How do I know who to hire to monitor my credit without worrying about them pulling a report that would have an effect my score? Well, American Express monitors my credit regularly- without pulling a credit report. They let me know if something fishy is up and they fix it right away.

2) Travel insurance. Through a responsible insurance carrier, AmEx provides travel insurance. I know if I end up in Paris, France and my bags go to Paris, Texas- AmEx has my back. They'll pay for me to wear new duds until my bag arrives.

3) I have my own personal accountant at AmEx. The Money Manager tracks my monthly budget and tells me how to keep on track. Money Manager also tells me when I've spent more on my dog than on human food this month... which it actually told me yesterday...

4) I get concert tickets, dinner reservations, flight deals, car rental offers, etc- for discount prices, and in advance.

They're hardcore about their customers.

Aside from general customer service wonderment and sweet perks, American Express is hardcore about their card-members.

1) Each time I call I am reminded of how valued I am, and how long I have been with AmEx.

2) They alert me when there is a fishy charge.

3) They offer me new services I never knew existed. If the service has a cost, they are upfront about it right away.

4) AmEx takes their responsibility to their customers seriously. They even donate to worthy causes they know are close to their clients' hearts.

With AmEx, I feel taken care of. The Roman dude with the broom hat is the perfect image for this company (even though they're American), because they are the gold (or in this case, green) standard of protection, service, and fighting on behalf of their card-members. It may seem like a spontaneous love fest- but after having called AmEx in a panic this morning, and being told "don't worry- this is why we're here," I am just so grateful. I am a lifelong AmEx customer. If you haven't opened an account yet, do it. Even if you don't use it that much- keep it. The longer you're with AmEx, the more you are valued. Man, I love these guys.

NEW YORK, NY: Something Wonderful: Name This Drink (2/4/10)

This past Saturday called on mixological medicine to cure a cold (again). The goal was to find the daytime equivalent of the Hot Trotty- something that peps up the patient while still easing the cold symptoms. Well, my friend and I threw some things together and created this marvelous concoction, using the working title: Delicious

1. Ice a high ball (glass)

2. Add two fingers of gin (I find Bombay Sapphire nice and gentle for a cold remedy)

3. Fill with orangina

4. Add orange juice

5. Top with a nice swirl of cointreau until happy

Given the quantity (and quality) of English gin, French ingredients, and orange juice, the drink had to be named after William of Orange and the Battle of the Boyne. But nothing seemed catchy enough, so we decided on Bonnie Prince Charlie. As it turns out, Bonnie Prince Charlie had nothing to do with the Battle of the Boyne! In fact, Bonnie Prince Charlie was a bit of a sissy in life, so he has no place in such an awesome drink.

So I put the contest to you. Name this drink!

Here are the new options:

1) The Beauty of the Boyne

2) Seamus a chaca (after the Irish King James that was deposed)

3) The Williamite

4) Orange Bill

5) Other (Please submit!)

May the best name win!

Photo courtesy of www.wikipedia.org

NEW YORK, NY: In Defense of The Fountainhead, and Other Pleas to the Tea Party Movement (01/27/10)

The current issue of the New Yorker has an article on the Tea Party Movement. The Tea Party's views on politics don't interest me- I think they're reactionary and not proactive. But they dragged art into the debate, and now I'm a little miffed.

My favorite book is The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. It's absolutely everything a book should be. If you haven't read it, buckle down for the 800 pages and just do it. (It is preferable if you know nothing about it beforehand). The hero is Howard Roark. He has bright orange hair and is wonderful. He is an architect, who only creates to satisfy his own inner need. The theory of the book is selfish objectivism. A human's first duty is to him/herself. Why? Because we can not create things of any use if we are not first self-satisfied. For this reason, the fountainhead (hence, the title of the book) of the best things in our civilization (helicopters, penicillin, etc) is the ego, vision, and execution of one talented, selfish person.

It should be said that Rand was anti-political. She hated liberals and conservatives equally.

So why is the Tea Party Movement claiming The Fountainhead as the book symbolizing their struggle? From what I know of the Tea Parties, they organize in frequent protests of masses upon masses of people. They attract people who brandish petitions, and people who take pride in being "Ordinary Americans." (I will leave this alone- as anyone who relishes being merely ordinary is probably deserving of the title.)

But... The Fountainhead claims that nothing productive may be accomplished with masses of people- it's all down to one person. Also, if you need other people to back up your opinions, or if you want to influence someone who needs to see you can influence others, this is tyranny. And, finally, anyone who is "ordinary" has sold his/her soul.

The Fountainhead is not about ordinary people. Rand continually wrote against the flock-centric vulgarity of these "ordinary" masses. In fact, The Fountainhead explicitly states that masses of people, especially these collective "ordinary people" corrupt everything that is wholly good.

So really- my plea is this. Tea Party, I don't care what you do, but please read books before you tout them.

NEW YORK, NY: My Humble Opinion: A Uniform We Should All Wear (2/3/10)

It's widely known that "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" exists to the detriment of the military, and to civil rights in general. A talented and professionally indispensable person is chucked when his or her homosexuality is called into question. The nature of this process implies there is a correct answer. It's startling that this exists in the military by federal law, when federal law prohibits this type of discharge in any other profession. With one hand they make the landscape safe for civilians, and with the other, make it uninhabitable for soldiers.

In this country, one earns one's place through honest work, nepotism, and bribery. The same process is the standard of military advancement, unless you're gay. I am disappointed that the civilian population thinks itself entitled to have a say in whether a soldier can acknowledge who he or she is. I am disappointed with Congress for still enacting unequal rights, and for considering the propagation of this policy of closet bigotry. I am proud that Defense Secretary Gates, Admiral Mullen, and Gen. Colin Powell have stepped up and said a soldier's identity is in his/her accomplishments, not sexual orientation.

"Don't Ask, Don't Tell" should be repealed- it doesn't make sense; EVERYONE LOOKS GOOD IN A UNIFORM, PEOPLE! And civil rights is a uniform that looks good on us all.

NEW YORK, NY: Real Estate (1/15/09)

Anyone who has dipped their little toe in the New York City real estate scene knows it is less enticing than being drugged and left for dead in Mexico (Arriba!). It's the "death" option in the "Cake or death?" equation.

I have looked at apartments that have ceiling tiles covering the walls for soundproofing, "but don't worry, it's not always this loud." I have looked at an apartment without a kitchen, and an apartment with the kitchen sink in the bathroom. I have looked at apartments with mouse droppings in plain sight and gaping holes in the walls. All of these studios are pushing $2k/month.

And tomorrow, I set out again. I am hoping to find a place I can live for a few years, so I don't have to go through this apartment hunting nonsense again. Somehow, I feel like I'm playing a losing bet against logic.

In an effort to keep me "focused" an "inspired" my friend Felicia sent me the loveliest treat. As my proclivities lean toward the humanitarian, I am sharing her gift with all you who share my near homeless fate.

Happy Hunting!

Photo courtesy of http://www.thesartorialist.com/photos/10810Besokesuit1013Web.jpg

NEW YORK, NY: Sunshine in a Bottle

Buying wine intimidates me. I have my favorites, but refuse to buy expensive bottles on a regular basis, and I'm not too familiar with the less expensive wines. This is when it's important to have a good wine expert across the street.

On my way home from work the other night I popped into my neighborhood liquor store for a bottle of Pinot Grigio. I needed it for my Creamy Gorgonzola Pasta recipe. For obvious reasons, it was important that the wine also be deliciously drinkable. The sommelier of the store pointed to this bottle and said "It's just like summer sunshine in a bottle." Being that the high that day was 30 degrees, I was sold. She was right.

I invite you to pick some up for yourself. In New York the bottle retails for $11, perfect for a mid-week sunshine lift. The weather is cold enough right now to just set it by the window. The flavors are much richer and sunnier if they aren't fresh out of the fridgidaire.

Cheers!

NEW YORK, NY: Gorgonzola Pasta (1/6/09)

One of my favorite blogs, Talk More Later, posted a delicious recipe for a Creamy Gorgonzola Pasta. The recipe was originally written in Splendid Table. As a vegetarian, my favorite things in life are cheese, vegetables, and carbs, so this recipe was a delightful little midweek challenge (start to finish shouldn't be longer than an hour). I tweaked it slightly for my tastes and have posted my version below.

Mama Megan's Take on

Creamy Gorgonzola Pasta

(This is what the original is supposed to look like, photo courtesy of Talk More Later)

Ingredients to prepare:

- 3 large shallots finely chopped
- 1 large garlic clove, minced (or two if you're not planning on kissing anyone)
- 1/4 cup tightly packed chopped basil, don't skimp. (This can be a problem if basil is not in season, which is currently the case. You can substitute with some steamed spinach, which is always available, even out of peak season, or even some steamed broccoli rabe. If you don't use basil, throw in a pinch of oregano right before the veggies)

- 1 28 ounce can whole tomatoes, chopped and drained

- 1/2 generous cup of crumbled gorgonzola or blue cheese (I used a softer, sweet gorgonzola, not the crumbles, though you're free to use those, too. The crumbles, though, don't tend to be as rich, nutty, or smooth as the wedge of gorgonzola, so I forwent that option and just broke the wedge I got into smaller pieces)

Ingredients to measure:

- 1 generous tablespoon tomato paste

- 3 tablespoons olive oil

- 1 large pinch of hot pepper flakes
- 1/4 cup white wine (you can eyeball this- if your hand gets heavy and you end up with 1/3 cup, I think you might survive. Also, bear in mind you'll be drinking this wine, so choose something drinkable.)
- 1 cup cream (I used milk. Cream tends to disagree with my delicate stomach. Also, the better the cheese, the more the fat, so I wanted to cut back the calories on the milk/cream end)
- salt and black pepper to taste
- 1/2 - 3/4 pound pasta, shells tend to work best.

Before you begin- pour yourself a glass of wine, and boil a pot of water (it will be used for the pasta, so add a little salt or olive oil to the water).

Step By Step:
1. Heat 2 tbsp olive oil in large saute pan over med high heat.

2. Add hot pepper flakes, black pepper and shallots and saute for about 3 minutes. The shallots should soften and start to become translucent. Adjust heat to prevent browning. (The pepper flakes will brown- so don't freak out if you see that stuff. It's the shallots you want to avoid browning because it will effect their taste and ability to absorb the other ingredients).

3. Now that the heat is lower, add minced garlic and the basil (or steamed veggies) and saute until you can smell that the garlic and onion have made friends, about a minute.

4. Add the tomato paste and saute for another 30 seconds, or so, until it's hot.

5. Pour in the wine and simmer till it's reduced to nothing. (You can take this opportunity to stir the tomato paste until it's incorporated with the wine, the vinegar in the paste melding with the acidity of the wine will make for a tasty reduction).

6. Stir in the tomatoes and simmer uncovered over medium high heat for 2-3 minutes, stirring often.

7. Remove from heat, cover, and let stand for 10 minutes. (can be made ahead to this point and refrigerated for up to 2 days.)

8. By now the water should be boiling, so add and cook pasta for 8-10 minutes depending on which pasta you choose (Pasta should be al dente, so read the directions on the box).

9. When pasta is done, hold aside one cup of the pasta water. Drain the pasta when done, but do not rinse.

10. Bring sauce to a simmer. (You can start this the last minute or two of when the pasta is cooking.)

11. Stir in 1/2 cup of the cream (or milk) and simmer for a minute.

12. Taste for seasoning and adjust with salt and pepper.

13. Add pasta and remaining 1/2 cup cream to the sauce stirring over medium heat for a couple of minutes.

14. Stir in the pasta water you reserved, and the last tbsp of olive oil

15. Gently stir in the gorgonzola until just combined and cheese is melting.

16. If you haven't refilled yet, your glass of wine is probably empty. So pour yourself another.

Serve pasta hot with a glass of cool wine and enjoy!

Serves 4 as a main course, 6 as a starter.

The pasta is delicious, but very decadent, so keep in mind the size of your portion, because it's addictive, but filling.

To see the original recipe, and other fabulous treats, please visit Talk More Later. It is the most delicious blog on the web- in fact, it's the one on the right side of this page that screams "Food!"

PARQUE LAS TERRENAS, DOMINICAN REPUBLIC: "El Zorro" is Spanish for "The Zorro"

Delicious. Isabel Allende's "Zorro" is not a re-telling of the old stories, the comics, the movies- none of that. Rather, it is the story of the beginning, of how Diego de la Vega became Zorro. Of course, this begins with the devastatingly romantic meeting of his parents, who were rival warriors until they realized they were hot for each other. Typical.

Diego spends his formative years in California causing trouble with his best friend and, for all intents and purposes, brother, Bernardo. They venture to Barcelona where they learn fencing, join the circus, become pilgrims, dupe the military, and eventually find their way back to California, via a pirate island near New Orleans. Eventually Zorro takes over and becomes the dominant existence of this man, with Diego taking a backseat. The book is all too wonderful- go ahead and read it.

It begs the question, however, of why Zorro is still so important a story as ever? I have a couple of ideas.