NEW YORK, NY: It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like... (11/24/09)

Second Submission:

The Annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

Every autumn thousands of people line the main avenues of the Upper West Side (Central Park West, Broadway...) to get a glimpse of the Annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. This marching extravaganza is a staple of the American holiday tradition. The holidays truly begin when Santa appears at the parade- or so my mother says, heaving a sigh. Waiting for the big man is not for the feint of heart. It's freezing if you don't have a flask, and most people are unlikely to see anything. The bands don't often play continuously down the route, either (it's very long), so off-camera, the parade is actually quiet.

Though the parade marchers are so freezing cold that they have the stricken expressions of refugees, each one has worked all year for their moment of glory. They have won competitions, auditioned, sweat, bled, and cried. For those that work hard all year long, the chance to be in the parade is a validation, a vindication to those who said whatever it was they did couldn't be done. I love that so many kids get a chance at the network broadcast big time. Hard work and creativity should be rewarded.

Hopefully, the warm weather we've been having holds out for these folks, because the parade truly is a magical experience. Many of us fell in love with it after "Miracle on 34th Street," and we, too, dreamed of adopting a tee-totalling legally insane homeless geriatric who thinks he's Santa Claus and buys us a house. For many, dreams of the parade begin after we see this man kick a drunk out of a sled and take his place. It's here that the magic of Macy's takes hold.

I have many fond memories of watching the parade. Does anyone else remember when it used to be followed by "It's a Wonderful Life"? They don't broadcast that anymore. Jimmy Stewart having suicidal thoughts and subsequently overcoming adversity was a bit too dark for a holiday already fraught with emotional anguish for people subjected to their families. At Thanksgiving dinner when I was young, my Grandmother used to lament that Jimmy Stewart was such a nice boy, she just didn't know why he would go and make a movie like that. Now we have the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, so children can discuss with their parents for the next month about wanting a puppy for Christmas, from Macy's.

Ah, Macy's, you outdo yourself every year. For those unfortunate enough to be subject to Macy's, itself, around the holidays, we will be onslaught with perfume peddlers, makeup artists saying we need "cosmetic help," and millions of tourists inching through the garland festooned department store melee.

One is unable to avoid the Macy's self-promoting spirit even if one avoids Macy's (as many New Yorkers do). In conjunction with submission # 2 I submit:

Third Submission:

The Affinia Hotel at Herald Square

The Affinia Hotel in Herald Square, haven for tourists and parade marchers, has bedecked itself with a Macy's balloon to draw the attention and dollars of balloon lovers everywhere. This is a cheap and obvious attempt to exploit, and to turn what was once a charming little marching tradition into a piggy bank of a parade. The Affinia is not Macy's, why do they have a balloon?

NEW YORK, NY: Man of the Hour (11/23/09)

Norah Jones's last album fit perfectly into what I like to call the "Bathtub Genre"- music chicks listen to in the bathtub. However, her newest effort, "The Fall," has more of a backbone. I wouldn't listen to "The Fall" at the gym, but I certainly wouldn't sit in a bathtub and pine and prune. Rather, I'd listen to this album with a double bourbon- neat, and occasionally shout "Right on!"

One song in particular struck me. It's a love song. "Man of the Hour" is straight from my diary. Read the lyrics below and you might shout "Right On!" too.

"Man of the Hour"

Norah Jones

"It's him or me."

That's what he said.

But I can't choose between a vegan

And a pot head.

So I chose you.

Because you're sweet.

And you give me lots of lovin'

And you eat meat.

And that's how you became.

My only man of the hour.

You never lie.

And you don't cheat.

And you don't have any baggage tied

To your four feet.

Do I deserve

To be the one

Who will feed you breakfast, lunch, and dinner

And take you to the park at dawn?

Will you really be

My only man of the hour?

I know you'll never bring me flowers.

But flowers, they will only die.

And though we'll never take a shower together

I know you'll never make me cry.

You never argue.

You don't even talk.

And I like the way you let me lead you

When we go outside and walk.

Will you really be

My only man of the hour?

My only man of the hour...

My only man of the hour.

(ruff!)

NEW YORK, NY: Poll Results: The New Dating Etiquette (11/20/09)

Following the post on November 11th on the New Dating Etiquette, I asked you crazy animals what you thought about chivalry and manners. Is chivalry d-e-d, Dead? Is old school chivalry alive and well with men holding doors and women washing floors? Or is chivalry a two-way street- with men and women taking care of each other?

While one of you clowns voted that women should essentially be barefoot in the kitchen (I know who you are...), the rest of you (88%) seem to be enlightened human beings. Your comments are both welcome and fascinating. I'd like to share some that you were good enough to share with me.:

"Chivalry / manners are a two way street. While many boys have clearly forgotten how to be a (forgive the term) gentleman, there are certainly quite a few women who have forgotten how to be ladies." - Felicia.

"Here here. I've found through experience that often the 'ladies first' guy is also pretty likely to think women are weak, not to mention being a host to all sorts of other old, ugly, perhaps hurtful notions about the way things are. Screw that!" - Loren

Following writing this post, my roommate Caroline also had an interesting comment. She enjoys when boys hold doors for her, but she's also just as likely to hold a door for one of them, or give up her seat on the subway. After some thought, she realized she's just as chivalrous as her dream man.

Caro's revelation was interesting in a sappy, chick flick kind of way. Take the movie "Pretty Woman." At the end of an otherwise logistically awkward love story, Richard Gere shows up in a limo with flowers shouting for "Princess Vivian." He climbs the tower (fire escape) to her apartment and rescues her from a life of questionable employment. He is chivalrous. However, when he asks her, "What happens when the prince rescues the fair maiden?" she responds, "She rescues him right back." Schmoltz aside, I think this is a good indicator of where chivalry is at today. We are in a position to rescue and be good to each other. Caroline's comment mirrors that, I think.

So there you have it, folks. We all seem to think chivalry should go both ways. And at the end of the day, the call for chivalry is akin to the call for manners, the need to be polite to one another, be conscientious of one another, and look to do the little things that make life grand.

Many thanks to those who responded!

Image courtesy of www.wikipedia.org

NEW YORK, NY: It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like (11/19/09)

New York is looking for love from the time tested sugar daddy: tourists, who trade on shameless flattery saying how pretty New York is and oh gosh how tall those buildings are and look at those big ol' Christmas trees- you know- they don't have trees like that back home. Little does New York imagine that she's just going to end the holidays fat, eating fruitcake in a corner, having already finished the bon bons, because she had too much eggnog and accidentally let anyone on Broadway who called her pretty.

These are the holidays in New York. I'm of the opinion that they're unnecessarily garish and gauche. Tourists flock here for a piece of Americana, Christmas in the big city- with lots of lights and shows and true holiday spirit and spectacular. As a Manhattanite, this time of year is the antithesis of a Currier and Ives print. The shops put on so much glitz it's as if New York is trying to finally compete with that slutty cousin who gets all the attention (Las Vegas), but this year, we're really going to make a statement. Let's just wear bows and bells and sparkly things all over and pray for love (economic recovery).

In the spirit of the holidays, and my mother's suggestion that they will probably be spent at the bottom of a glass, I've decided to call "game on", and turn the Manhattan holidays into a brutal competition of who can muster up the most holiday spirit.

First submission:

The Radio City Hall Christmas Tree

The Radio City Christmas tree is on display weeks before that other famous tree half a block away (Rock Center). This is because it is fake. It is fiber optic lights in the shape of a tree. If you'll recall, that's the very same type of tree that was called out in "A Charlie Brown Christmas" for being a yuletide poseur. As I was walking across Avenue of the Americas, tourists stopped in the crosswalk to snap photos, and marvel at the fact that the tree changed colors. Fiber optics were first displayed in 1840, folks- it's old news.

And that star on top? Not going to lead you to a nativity in Bethlehem, buddy. Nope, it's going to lead you inside the theater to the annual Radio City Christmas Spectacular. This staple of the New York holiday tradition celebrates, with light up costumes and a kick-line, the moment when Santa came down the chimney of a manger and gave Baby Jesus as a present to the whole world. They're not trying to be exclusive by calling it the "Christmas" and not the "Holiday" or "Winter" Spectacular- they're just being historical. Light up costumes and kick-lines were part of the birth of Christ- it's in the Bible. The show is a fan favorite with families, and children watch in awe with gaping mouths as they look on and dream that they too might one day be a struggling artist doing high kicks, wearing a leotard with realistic fur trim when it's 30 degrees out.

For more information on the Radio City Christmas Spectacular, how you can get tickets and how best to encourage the dreams of impressionable young people, please visit: http://www.radiocitychristmas.com/

NEW YORK, NY: Something Delicious: Pasta Pandemonium! (11/17/09)

I don't spend as much energy on food as I should- a product of having a negative amount of free time. My diet mostly consists of frozen spinach and dinosaur shaped sandwiches. As a result, I snap up any chance I can get to finagle a home cooked meal out of someone. And let me tell you- I finagled a DELICIOUS pasta the other night: Penne with Garlic Spinach Sauce. It's a Giada recipe originally, but a friend of mine modified it to be, well, better. I find most of Giada's recipes end up being modified. She's great and all, but would you trust a woman that skinny to fatten you up? Exactly. Try some of this wonderment for yourself!

Penne with Garlic Spinach Sauce and Cherry Tomatoes

Yields 6-8 Normal People Servings

Ingredients:

1 lb penne pasta

1 6 oz. package of baby spinach

2-3 cloves of garlic

1 8 oz. package of light cream cheese, newftel cheese, or plain yogurt

6 oz. goat cheese (the good stuff)

Lemon juice

Cherry tomatoes

Process:

Boil pasta.

Reserve 1 cup of pasta water.

In a food processor or blender, blend 1/2 the spinach, all the cheese, and the garlic, until smooth.

In a bowl, toss the pasta, whole spinach, and the sauce mixture together, adding the reserved pasta water until the desired consistency is reached.

Sprinkle some lemon juice, garnish with cherry tomatoes.

Add parmesan or asiago if desired, to taste.

Serve immediately and enjoy!

Note: it's not great as a leftover- the cheese has a tendency to make everything dryer. You're going to want to serve this immediately.

ENJOY! I hope this makes you all as deliriously happy as this made me! Love at first bite.

NEW YORK, NY: Reversing the Food Chain: Human Eats Dino (11/16/09)

In my pre-vegetarian days, I sampled some pretty strange fare, especially whilst on safari. I've tried alligator, kudu, snake, zebra, termites, but nothing compares to the newest culinary craze in my life: Dinos. Some people say that dinosaurs have been extinct for a few years, but I beg to differ. Observe: the latest examples from the files of Dr. Grant:

The rare Peanutbutterandjellysaurus, native to the expansive plains of Nebraska, giving it a texture characteristic of the "Breadbasket of the US": bready. This dino feeds on nuts and strawberries, and when eaten, tastes like peanut butter and jelly. Here, we may observe two of this species in conversation. Likely, they are talking about being delicious.

Here we observe two specimens of Saltysourdoughtoastasaurus. This species is native to San Francisco, where sourdough bread is the prevailing environmental hazard to this dinosaur, actually changing the texture of their skin. As you will note, this species of dinosaur excretes butter. The habitat being so close to the ocean, they are frequently sprayed with sea salt. Sadly, one of the dinos has been mauled by a bear, and will not make it through the winter. As observer documentary makers, there is nothing we can do.

Ah, it is thrilling indeed to find a fossilized skeleton of one of these rare, magnificent beasts. Extensive scientific study will show that these gentle giants, which once roamed the earth, might once again rise from the effect of yeast, and produce a spectacular sandwich.

For more information on how you can play with your food, please visit: http://www.thekitchenoutlet.com/product.php?productid=1139

Many thanks to a generous grant from Christina Cuneo, who made this paleontological research possible.

NEW YORK, NY: Arts & Farts: Latin Heat in November (11/14/09)

How fabulous is Latin America? What a silly question. It's the birthplace of the margarita, the mariachi band, and the almighty Zorro. It's pretty fabulous. In recognition of the fabulosity of that corner of the world, Christie's is having a Latin American Art Sale November 17th and 18th.

Yesterday I braved the rain and set out to see what goods they were offering this time around. What most people don't know is that, in the days before an auction, anyone can go see the pieces in exhibition- no big spending required- the exhibitions are free. For those of you who, like me, have champagne taste on a beer budget, and know how to find opportunities to indulge, (I like to call this "genteel poverty."), auction exhibitions are great. They're constantly changing and you can occasionally find some beautiful examples of museum-quality art that may never be available for public view again. So off to Christie's I went.

What I love about Latin American art is the mix of mediums (oil and sand on canvas is prevalent) and the bright colors, which were probably seen every day by these artists in their environment. The sale has works by, among others, Matta, Botero, and Toledo. Some pieces I was fascinated by were about other cultures. It's interesting to see, for example "Barrio Chino" (The Chinese Neighborhood) by Cuevas, or "La Balinesa" (The Balinese Woman) by Covarrubias, through the eyes of someone from Latin America.

My favorite pieces of the sale were the gouache pieces by Bermudez and Portacarrero, and "Prometheus" by Orozco, ink and oil on paper. Another beautiful piece is Kingman's "Untitled," which shows someone with their head in their hands. The right half of the painting has a haze of blue, the left a haze moving toward red. The subject is only shown by black strokes, and is wearing two bracelets, which might be handcuffs, giving a note of despair, but they are not joined by a chain, so it might be more hopeful. The mood is ambiguous, but it's visceral. This was probably my favorite piece.

Two others to point out are "Silencio a la Tres" by Sanchez. The landscape depicts a forest on a river, and at the center of the image is a clearing with a solitary figure sitting down. For me, the painting recalled medieval painting in its attention to environmental detail, and the tall, slender majesty of the trees. I thought this piece was gorgeous.

Another standout was "Venados" by Brunet, which shows two rams, in grisaille, locking horns. The background is just flames. The manner and subject almost recalls a comic book. Badass.

My descriptions fail to compare to the pieces, but this is an exhibition well worth seeing- not reading about! I hope that you'll either get to the exhibition before it closes or look it up online! To learn more about the sale, please visit: http://www.christies.com/LotFinder/searchresults.aspx?intSaleID=22170#action=paging&&intSaleID=22170&sid=98c0d980-9782-4dd6-a695-d7ed00f10f43&num=45&pg=1

Image courtesy of www.wikipedia.org

NEW YORK, NY: Good Medicine (11/13/09)

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I catch every cold, flu, hiccup going around. I'm not sure why I have the immune system of a Victorian woman, but I sure hope I last longer than one.

In the wake of my most recent, as yet unidentified bugaboo, my friend Nick brought me snacks to keep my mind off feeling crummy. Wasn't that lovely? Here are some of the highlights:

These are two cupcakes from Crumbs. The one on the left is called "Pecan Praline." (PRAH-leen is the correct pronunciation). It had yellow cake and was delicious- although I don't know how I felt about the nut embellishment on the side- after the sweetness of the praline icing, it tasted a little bitter.

The cupcake on the right is called "Love at First Bite" and is in honor of the movie Twilight. HA! The cake is a very moist devil's food and there is a cherry cordial filling. The sweet vanilla icing had a hint of lemon, and was rounded by chocolate flakes. On top of the cupcake were wax costume vampire teeth...

I'm ready for my date with Edward now...

After cupcakes, we played Disney Princess Monopoly (at my command). Disney Princess Monopoly is a wonderful board game for several reasons.:

1) It's travel sized, so it's a very short game in duration (not like regular monopoly).

2) It has better prizes. Instead of Park Place and the Boardwalk, you get prizes like Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid and Chip from Beauty and the Beast.

3) What makes the game even better, aside from the obvious, is that it was created for ages 5-8, so it's the ideal level of difficulty for grown-ups. I had a tinto (more on this soon!), Nick had a Maker's. I was Pocahontas, he was Jasmine. I was the champion, he cleaned up the board.

Being sick sure is awful. But with friends, snacks, and games like this, I think I'll make it.

NEW YORK, NY: My Humble Opinion: Our Upcoming Trial (11/13/09)

Today we learned five men are going to come to New York for trial. One of these men, Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, is the alleged planner of the 9/11 attacks. These men will be tried in a civilian Federal Court five blocks from the World Trade center site.

The reaction in New York is vehement. Many say New York is too sacred for such vile people to come for trial, and “waterboard him again.” Many think it preferable that the detainees remain in Guantanamo Bay and be tried by military tribunal. They hold the standard of Enhanced Interrogation Techniques and think a tribunal would be their legal equivalent. These people doubt a tribunal's impartiality and call for revenge, not justice. This sentiment rejects our founding principles, and is an embarrassment to our legal system, and to our members of the military who work with honor and deep integrity in our name. This is my humble opinion.

We are trying to close the Guantanamo prison because it is blight on our reputation, our ideals, and our national identity. The practices of rendition, and the civil rights abuses performed in our name, have been roundly condemned- I do not need to wax on about this. But what happens if the defendants are found guilty? Do they stay in Cuba? Why shouldn’t they be held accountable for their alleged crimes in the place where said crimes were committed? Why shouldn’t someone who commits a crime against the civilization of the United States be tried by the civilians of the United States? We sent our military to war because of these men, why should we not have an opportunity to try them ourselves?

Let these five come to New York. Let them see the hole of the World Trade Center site, and let them be held accountable by the people who survived. Let them be judged by a panel of New Yorkers in black robes. Let them be subject to the legal system of the civilization they hate. The law is dispassionate. Let it look upon them and may it let them live the rest of their lives in impotent hatred for the country that, after everything, still tried them with blind reason, and with fairness. Let us live up to our ideals and be worthy of them.

Just my humble opinion…

NEW YORK, NY: Arts & Farts: “Above Zero” (11/10/09)

On Tuesday night I attended the opening of Otto Olaf Becker’s “Above Zero” at the Paul Amador gallery. The photography exhibition, up through January 9, depicts the glacial rivers of Greenland’s interior.

Photography of the natural world has long been held as a visual testament to the need for its preservation. Becker shot with a large format camera- not easy to haul across a country on ice shoes. In purpose and technique, his work recalls that of Carlton Watkins, Timothy O'Sullivan, and Ansel Adams, to similar effect. In “Above Zero,” a comment on the region's recent, uncharacteristically warm weather, Becker uses the 24-hour light of the region’s summer to expose the footprints in the vast, white expanse of Greenland’s interior.

The pure white of ancient glaciers is shown sullied by dirt and soot that has been absorbed by the air, and melted into the ice. The bright greenish blue rivers cut through already eroded blocks of ice. The result is a series of stepped layers, like the layers of the earth’s crust. One photo depicts a vast expanse of gray snow, peppered with groups of tourists taking their own pictures in the “untouched landscape.”

Becker takes a purposefully restrained approach to telling a highly controversial story. He skates the line between science and subjectivity. What I love most about his work is that as good as it is (and it is very good), there is still room to grow. Becker is widely exhibited and inarguably talented, but his work has potential in size and scope. I am excited to see where his work goes and grows. In the meantime, with its beautifully artful execution of so tender a subject, "Above Zero" is well worth seeing.

To learn more about the exhibition, please visit http://www.amadorgallery.com/Current%20exhibition.html

NEW YORK, NY: The New Dating Etiquette (11/11/09)

The gender debate rages far and wide. Women cry that chivalry is dead, while men retort that feminism killed it. However, I think the word "chivalry" is often used in place of the word "manners." Whatever the state of chivalry, it is manners that have sadly fallen by the wayside, into a ditch, and been long beaten and forgotten.

Women are being told that men should be "gentlemen," but what is a "gentleman"? The term used to refer to a man of leisure. Let's consider the term. A man of leisure more often than not, either was dependent on, or supported the women of his family, with the interest on his trust fund. So really, ladies, if we are not seeking out a jobless, spoiled, man who lives with his mother, we have to admit that the definition has changed.

So what is a "gentleman" in today's world- where we strive to be a post-sexist society? I think the qualifications required of a "gentleman" are the same as those of a "lady" (another dubiously-defined term). That is to say, a "gentleman" or a "lady" is someone who is socially conscientious. Is a woman more likely to be impressed by a guy who keeps eye contact with her? Or a guy who throws his jacket over a puddle? Personally, I would think it weird if a guy ruined a perfectly good coat. I'm much happier when a guy isn't staring below my eyes- or trying to steal a glance (we know you are doing that). But how can we most effectively reconcile antiquated notions of social correctness with the practical concerns we have today?

Let's examine one such relic from the ancient handbook of social protocol:

Though it was devised for practical reasons at the time, the rule of "ladies first" went out with corsets, smelling salts, and the sinking of the Titanic. Nine times out of ten, when I am in an elevator at work, no man will exit the elevator until I do. It feels ridiculous (and a little offensive, frankly) that nobody can leave the elevator until the one with the XX chromosome has had the first shot. Some have dismissed my thinking as anti-chivalrous, rude, or more fodder from a feminist lack of gratitude. However, as it turns out, I am absolutely correct in thinking that this is a breach of protocol in an post-sexism society (ideologically, if not in practice). To aid us in our search for correct protocol in today's world, Emily Post has devised the list below to help us avoid being uncouth with each other.

The Finer Points of Dating Courtesy- Gender Neutral:

Holding the door: Whoever gets to the door first holds it for others.

Getting off an elevator: The person closest to the door exits first.

Helping to put on a coat: Anyone having trouble putting on a coat or sweater should receive some help, regardless of gender.

Paying for a meal: Whoever does the inviting does the paying.

Standing: Getting up to greet someone is always polite—and this is especially important when the person is elderly or is a business superior or client. It’s also the thing to do when you are being introduced to someone.

Walking on the outside: The custom of a man walking between his female companion and the street was the custom in the days when carriages splashed mud and ladies’ finery needed shielding. These days, it doesn’t matter who is walking on the street side of the sidewalk.

Shaking hands: Used to be that a man was supposed to wait for a woman to offer her hand before he extended his. Today, regardless of gender, people should shake hands upon meeting, and it doesn’t matter who puts their hand out first.

Helping to carry something: A neighbor or coworker—anyone—who is overloaded with books or packages will appreciate an offer of help from whoever is nearby.

For more tips on how you can avoid looking like a tool, please visit www.emilypost.com